Dakim Blog

January 28, 2010

Preventing Falls (For The Sake Of Your Brain)

Written by: Dakim

For Many Seniors, taking a tumble is all too common an experience. And though bruises and broken bones are the biggest and most immediate concerns, falling can put your brain-health in jeopardy, too.

Head injury is the most obvious risk; concussions can have both short and long term affects on cognitive functions like memory and decision making. A knock on the noggin increases the likely hood of developing Alzheimer’s. And even minor brain injuries often affect balance, putting patients at risk of even more falls.


January 22, 2010

Why Do People With Alzheimer’s Act So Mean?

Written by: Dakim

I don’t know about you, but when I’m lost, scared, and in unfamiliar surroundings, I tend to get a little mean myself. For a person with Alzheimer’s, this state of fear and agitation never really stops. Even if they remember who you are, who they are, and where they are, five minutes from now they may lose it. One of the best things we can do as caregivers is to lovingly detach from their tangled emotions and not take what they say or do personally.

Easier said than done.

Alzheimer’s can cause the areas of the brain that house our emotions to go haywire—those feelings of mania, anger, and anxiety are all lit up even where there hasn’t been a trigger event to cause such feelings. Understanding why our spouses or parents are “acting mean” can help us realize that they can’t remember what we said five minutes ago, they can’t necessarily control their unpredictable and unstable emotions, and they can’t always feel love or connection with us. Also know that drug interactions can aggravate behavior and increase feelings of paranoia—so mention any changes to your loved one’s doctor.

I grieved when I lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. I grieved when I finally hit that wall and knew she didn’t know me and didn’t feel anything for me. It felt so cold. So lonely. And yet I had to keep on keeping on, as the saying goes. I had to do intimate things for her—change her clothes, bathe her, brush her hair—and yet to her, I was a “nobody.”

Finally, I turned the corner. I chose to remember for the two of us. Her “mean” behavior didn’t throw me nearly as much. I would be our anchor. I would love when she couldn’t. I would show kindness and patience when she couldn’t.

Yes, there are neurological explanations for Alzheimer’s behavior, but the bottom line is that we—the daughters, sons, spouses, friends, and caregivers—have to dig deep and choose to go on, to love, and to act with maturity and grace—regardless.

January 19, 2010

Yawn For Brain Fitness! No, Really!

Written by: Dakim

Yawning: it’s considered rude, a sign of boredom, disinterest, laziness and exhaustion.

And it just might be really good for the brain, at least according to Andrew Newberg, the director of the Center for Spirituality and the Mind at the University of Pennsylvania.

In an essay published last November, Newberg explains that yawning isn’t just a response to being tired or disinterested, but an attempt by the brain to be more alert and focused. Yawning also reduces stress, improves self-awareness, and, curiously, ties strongly into social connections.

Intrigued? Me too!


January 1, 2010

First Things First: A Caregiver's Motto to Create Order to Your Day

Written by: Dakim

Author and business guru Stephen Covey coined the phrase “first things first” to remind people to not focus on the daily “fires” that arise (drama, issues, mini-emergencies) but to reorder the day and take care of the things that really matter first. Easier said than done. Most caregivers spend the majority of their time doing the myriad of chores, errands, calls, and personal care their loved ones need. It’s tough to remember what’s truly important when an adult diaper needs changing or a whole bottle of very expensive pills just fell into a sink full of dishwater.

That’s why starting your day is so important. A few minutes of calm thought and preparation can affect every aspect of your day.

Creating Order to Your Caregiving Day:

  • Don’t rush out of your bedroom in the morning. Spend a few minutes in prayer, thought, and reflection.
  • Don’t allow your feet to hit the floor without noting three things to be grateful for.
  • Keep a journal, the Bible, a book of poetry, or other inspirational material next to your bed. Words of encouragement can soothe you in times of worry and grief.
  • Use that paper and pen to plan out your day. Your caregiver brain is frazzled, so keep a pen and paper with you at all times. It’s your brain outside your brain—let it keep track of things for you.
  • Do some deep breathing and stretches before you turn the bedroom doorknob. Feel your body. Be grateful for every muscle and bone you have.
  • Get dressed—shoes and all. It tells the world you mean business. And brush your hair. (I can’t tell you how many days I forgot to do that when I was caring for my mom!)
  • Remind yourself that you are choosing to care-give. You believe in it. Choice is power.
  • Remember that list in your pocket? You were probably a tad too optimistic. Pick the three most important items (first things first) and make sure those get done early in the day. Even one item checked off is a victory.
  • Take care of yourself first. Train your spouse, elder parent, and kids to get up after you—and to know that if they interrupt your first half hour or so, they’re on their own. You’re not on duty yet. (No one gets so much as a nod good morning until I’ve had my coffee, prayer, and journal time.)
  • Remember Covey’s other wise words: Think efficiency with things, effectiveness with people. Greet your loved ones in the morning like they matter—because they do. Ask them what their plans are for the day—they might not have thought of a plan yet, so you’re helping them get a jumpstart to their day.
  • Get those chores and to-do’s done fast. Zip through that monotonous list and let your day know you mean business. No whining or dragging—just do it. (Nike chose a good slogan!)
  • Make sure you’ve got a little fun tucked in every day. If you’re running errands, stop by DQ and get a small-dip cone. If you’re walking the dog, take the ball and let him play (and you, too). If you’re going to the doctor’s office, slip that steamy romance novel into your purse and read a couple of paragraphs before getting your teeth cleaned. Life’s little pleasures make the tough stuff tolerable.

Not every caregiving day is great. You’re not always at your perky best. I do know that when you put first things first—with purpose and passion—that eventually it will become your new norm. You’ll find yourself halfway through your morning and much to your surprise, you’re zipping right along. Habit becomes the backbone of your day and gives you a sense of calm and trust.

The very “first” thing to remember about caregiving is why you’re caregiving in the first place—because someone you love needs you.